During my city day in Tucson this week I did my lap swimming at the University of Arizona pool. As a recovering high school swimmer, scarred by twice-a-day practices including one at 530am, I now embrace leisurely, non-timed, do whatever I want kind of swim sets. I usually go to one of the trusty yet decrepit public pools if I have time when I am in town. They are free, you can park right in front, I usually get my own lane and the showers are warm. So in spite of the sketchy locker rooms and clogged drains, they are just my style.
My usual pool was closed for maintenance so I thought I’d try the fancy university rec pool. I lucked out and quickly found a parking place. As I waited at the desk to pay my $8 it was like time slowed, and here I was, a weathered stone stuck in a stream of steadily flowing, unimaginably fit, MOISTURIZED and tanned college kids pouring around me on all sides. Can I just emphasize how moisturized everyone appeared? I think my crepey skin shriveled a little further in the presence of that amount of youth. This is Arizona so I (not without a fight) have accepted the fact that our largest organ is at a serious disadvantage with all our sun and low humidity. But reality check: apparently I’ve just hung out with people my age and older for the last ten years and that thing happened where you don’t notice changes because they’re occurring right in front of you all slow and such. Until suddenly, boom.
Standing at the rec center desk I felt so old.
And very aware that I don't regularly shave my legs or other areas of my body.
How very unyouthful of me to have photo-documented exactly none of my day in Tucson. So instead here is a pic of my sisters and me on swim team in the early 2000's.
I am not old though. I am 38. To be honest, I love my age! I remember admiring the crows feet of a guy I worked with when I was just out of college. At the time he was in his late 30’s. His entire career consisted of outdoor jobs. His face was admittedly extra-extra-weathered. I thought it was beautiful and hoped I had that natural, well-lived life look one of these days. Well one of these days has arrived. I am now the age he was then... Holy shit.
So here I am nearing 40 being bombarded with magic Nordic herbal skin balm and fat cell size changing cream ads on Instagram, which I fell for. 🤫
"And they are definitely not working" is all I could think when I saw this photo (below) I literally took today to capture my 2.5" Hammered Hoops paired with a gorgeous 14k and diamond stud by fellow metalsmith Corkie Bolton. I audibly gasped. My chin wrinkle! Or sagging skin or whatever that is.
In all the photos I've taken of myself wearing my jewelry over the years this wrinkle has never made such a dramatic appearance. I didn't know it existed until tonight.
I care, but I don't care.
I accept.
Writing about all this really just started when I wanted to delve into the truly wide-eyed moment I had being the "old" person at the college rec center lobby. I am so so profoundly grateful to be in my late 30's, to say I don't really give a crap about my chin wrinkle and genuinely feel mostly fine and confident about how aging is showing up in my body. I mean you probably already saw my chin wrinkle when we met at a market and I was just blissfully unaware until now.
Most days, however, I do still apply my creams and serums morning and night hoping for a small miracle in pore size reduction or tautness--I'd happily take either one, dear skin gods! My knee just started getting a stuck feeling in certain positions. My sleep is more broken. My hair feels thinner... Alas, it's those darn changes again that are all slow and imperceptible and such until a critical mass of them recently bumped me solidly into the category of I-accept-I-will-get-up-in-the-night-to-pee-for-the-rest-of-my-life.
When in doubt, though, you can always throw on a pair of hoop earrings, or whatever your favorite piece of jewelry is. At any age there is a very high chance, I promise, that it will put a little boost in your step as you walk into the world, owning and expressing your beauty exactly as it is.
