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Happy Spring! I just finished a week-long cleanse. I cut out Instagram (highly recommend!!!), dairy, sugar, wheat, soy, eggs, preservatives and processed food. Meat too, but as a lifelong vegetarian it wasn't something I needed to eliminate anyway. With deep conviction that I needed to spend my time and energy on things other than social media, a mountain of wholesale orders to keep me busy and cleansing support from a local herbalist, this past week wasn't so bad. Except it kind of was.
Happy Spring! I just finished a week-long cleanse. I cut out Instagram (highly recommend!!!), dairy, sugar, wheat, soy, eggs, preservatives and processed food. Meat too, but as a lifelong vegetarian it wasn't something I needed to eliminate anyway. With deep conviction that I needed to spend my time and energy on things other than social media, a mountain of wholesale orders to keep me busy and cleansing support from a local herbalist, this past week wasn't so bad. Except it kind of was.
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I've been in a funk that comes and goes. Some things are unwavering, thankfully, like my desire to create jewelry. Other things feel unbearably hard, like the hours of 5-7pm, the toddler's witching hours. A few things gnaw at me daily, namely the lack of "me" time and the neverfuckingending messes. The funk weaves its way in and out of the rhythms of my day, throwing awfully grumpy energy into unexpected moments and bringing inescapable heaviness one hour, when just a little while before I was feeling purposeful, happy and clear. If I sit with what's going on, maybe talk about it a bit, something shifts and the shadows usually fade away by the time I go to bed. But they're still hanging around somewhere not too far away.
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The cleanse, well the food part, made the funk worse I think. My normal comforts like chocolate or cookies after a stressful nap routine, or pizza for a quick dinner were off the table, literally. I felt a sense of loss that I could not soothe with food so then I felt sad and the cycle worsened. I was told that this would pass after the first couple days of the cleanse. It kind of did. I lost the cravings, but there was still a sadness. Stripping away the (junk) food I use as escape exposed underlying issues I had been barely covering up.
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So mid way through the cleanse we've got funk, but no junk is allowed to help me cope. A salad is really unappealing in such a situation. I actually eat a pretty balanced vegetarian diet most of the time, despite what you may think after reading this far. Admittedly, sugar is by far my biggest vice. That said I had no withdrawal headaches or other symptoms that I was all but promised by the herbalist when preparing for the cleanse. I got internal turmoil instead, ha.
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Maybe I would have preferred headaches, but overall I guess I should appreciate the cleanse for stripping away the junk that was covering up the funk, illuminating that something is very out of balance. My suspicion is that motherhood is to blame, two and half years of sleep loss, absolute identity shift, and relentless demands from the most beloved approximately 3 foot tall tyrant.
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(Cake from before the cleanse...my weakness I know.)
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The Instagram break on the other hand was amazing and I wish I could ditch the app all together. If only I could keep the sweet connections I've made there, the camaraderie from other makers and mamas and the coolest customers around, while not getting sucked into a vortex of scrolling, fomo and comparison or totally losing Lumenrose to the algorithm. More on that later. So much more.
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To celebrate the last day of my cleanse, my daughter and I made... a cake!
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No amount of cleansing will break me from my love of cake. In my defense, it was raw, vegan, refined sugar free etc. Basically just blended nuts, dates, raspberries and cacao butter.
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With the residual discipline around food and a respect for my body's detox process I am slowly going to reintroduce all the junk at some point. After a week of so many "no's" and noticing the absurd amount of times I walk to the pantry to find a snack instead of working, I am actually not any closer to feeling less funky. I'm just more aware of it all. I'll take it. But with cake please.
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2 comments
I’m not disappointed to hear that you love sugar, snacks and junk food! The vegan cake looks absolutely delicious.
I relate to this so much. Not the motherhood part as I I haven’t had the opportunity to experience that, but the feelings about Instagram, the constant demands from others (adults) to do emotional labor and the using of sugar as a way to get through those acutely stressful moments. Shopping is the other vice I’m working on. It’s hard to remember some times all the thing we’re doing well. I hope the funk soon clears and you’re given clarity and some peaceful moments. And I greatly appreciated the honesty of this post.