The beginning of the year felt scattered - in my brain, at my workbench, in my daily routine. So much pain in the global consciousness has been weighing on me. My creativity felt dampened. A few weeks ago I turned to my notebook and wrote out the things I've been wanting to make, the things that pop into my head when I am laying awake at 2am after putting my kid back to bed, the jewelry designs that I conjure up in a 30 second daydream, then forget, then remember again. That was the beginning of the collection I am currently creating. I am slowly and surely making progress and it feels good to be working with these bright, happy blue stones.
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Kingman turquoise ovals about to be set in their bezels.
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Creating is a translation of sorts. For me it takes place over the course of repetition. I repeat the same processes again and again- motions that are so familiar I don't have to think- until the swirling concept in my mind is manifest in metal and stone. A finished piece of jewelry is the wearable, silver translation of an idea, a feeling, a fleeting choice, an aesthetic goal.
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Making a physical THING, as lovely as it may be, doesn't always feel like the most meaningful way to spend my time, my life. This is a constant tug of war in my head. At some moments I feel firm in my conviction that making beautiful adornments and working with my hands is meaningful and satisfying and enough. Other times it all feels so ridiculous to focus my energy on bits of precious metals when millions of people struggle to access food, water, safety and shelter.
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If you've read this blog or followed my posts over the years I've written about this conundrum before. It will never go away or be solved. I guess it's like seasons that change and cycle. On this first day of Spring I currently feel inspired and excited about my craft of silversmithing as I emerge from what feels like a period of, well, blah. Consistent through all seasons though, I am drawn to puzzling over and trying to understand the suffering and struggle we humans are wading through. I'm always reading, listening and conversing when I can, in an effort to wrap my head around how circumstances, institutions, and experiences inform the decisions people make. But hey, I'm just a lady living amongst the oak trees trying to fathom how my neighbors, whom I adore, exchange baked goods with and who babysit my child on occasion, can love Donald Trump.
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I am reading a moving and powerful book right now called See No Stranger by activist, lawyer, filmmaker and mother Valarie Kaur. Her work was introduced to me in a dance series I attended that was led by Marissa Duarte, a Tucson esthetician, business owner, movement facilitator and all around beautiful person. Marissa skillfully led us through parts of Valarie Kaur's framework using movement. It's hard to explain, but it was amazing, healing and exactly what I needed.
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In the classes we leaned heavily on Valarie's phrase "You are a part of me I do not yet know". Valarie encourages us to look at the people we encounter with wonder so that we may find a connection point, however small or large, where we can see, fight for and even love the other person's humanity oftentimes in spite of seemingly insurmountable difference. Think polarizing political or religious beliefs, or deeply harmful past actions that might cause us to have negative assumptions about someone. The ask is for us to get past these intense biases and see a glimmer of a reflection of ourselves in the other. We can always find something we can connect over. We just have to wonder what it might be. Through listening and curiosity we gain some understanding of that person who seems so impossibly different from ourselves. Although we may not be able to transcend the historically unjust systems around us through these interactions alone, we can make inroads into the real work of dismantling white supremacy. White supremacy would prefer we remain divided. Wondering, humanizing and connecting flies in the face of that.
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Peach blossoms at sunset in our tiny orchard
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As Spring is upon us I feel an opening. An emerging from the weighted blanket of the past few months. Renewed is my commitment to wondering about it all. To catching myself in judgmental thought spirals and trying to return to empathy and compassion. To daydreaming about the jewelry I want to make. To letting go of needing a deeper purpose and instead being present with what's at hand: my incredible, hilarious child, the trees beginning to leaf out, the light streaming in the window at a new angle, the changing season that the creatures around us don't need words to explain.
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Bed-headed child gesturing to the wild turkeys out the backdoor.
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Thanks for being part of this Lumenrose ride. New jewelry will be available soon, I promise.
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4 comments
Beautifully shared Erika. Keep on keeping on; you’re a thoughtful soul and more of us should think as much as you do. I’ve ordered audio copy of See No Stranger.
Wonderful words and thoughts, Erika
thank you for this, erika. i will look for the book. and i am celebrating my b-day with a pendant that looks so much like the sea to me… xoxo
Beautifully written ❤️